


Grow As We Go

by Ekath



Series: Grow As We Go [1]
Category: The Worst Witch (TV 2017), The Worst Witch - All Media Types
Genre: Coming Out, F/F, Femslash, Growing Up, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 11:54:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28938084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ekath/pseuds/Ekath
Summary: Ethel is leaving Cackle Academy, Mildred is trying to understand her feelings.Growing up is hard.
Relationships: Ethel Hallow/Mildred Hubble
Series: Grow As We Go [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2122434
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> AU.
> 
> English isn't my first language and i have no beta-reader, all errors are mine and you can correct them through the comment section if you want!  
> Also sorry for the messy format, i'm not used to HTML because i post on Wattpad, there will probably be some useless blank spaces.
> 
> You can find this ff on Wattpad if you want a cleaner reading experience.

_**Mildred POV** _

These days at the Cackle Academy seems to pass quietly, quickly and without major disastrous events.  
I've got my lantern duty again, but after some time got used to it, now i wake up in the early mornings feeling good and energetic.

Autumn it's making its way on earth, or at least here, painting the city streets with a flood of warm colors and countless falling leaves.  
I'm currently relaxing in my room, sitting near my windows and glancing at the word outside while sketching on my new album, there are no assignments today and it's the perfect time to draw while shutting out some insistent thoughts and ideas.  
My mom started dating a man, I don't remember his name but he's goofy and genuinely good, and I'm thinking about relationships too much these days.  
  
Am I still too young?  
Should I wait another year?  
  
I don't really know, I'm fourteen and i have no experience with these kind of things.  
  


Some days I imagine someone taking my hands, kissing my cheeks while whispering sweet words in my ear.

But I stop thinking about it because i can hear fast footsteps outside my door, my friends are here.  
Maud and Enid make their way into my room, shutting the door behind them while looking too much happy and surprised.

<<You're not gonna believe this!>>  
Maud is talking and playing with her hands excited while Enid is biting her bottom lip and awkwardly smiling.  
I put my album on the old desk and arranging the pencils by height, for some reason I'm not interested in what they're gonna say.  
<<Ethel will change academy and leave Cackle's in two days!>>  
Enid says, letting herself fall on my bed.  
Mad starts to slowly dance with closed eyes like she's the winner of some contest.

They're so happy.  
 _And Ethel's gonna leave._

I start to scratch my arm through the uniform.  
I don't know what to say and that never happens.

<<That's...that's amazing...>>  
I look down, my shoes are dirty with drops of old black ink.

They stop beign happy, they're worried because I'm silently watching my own feet standing in the middle of my room.

My left arm hurts so much and _I can't stop ruining it._

I should be happy, screaming with joy because my "enemy" is preparing to leave this place forever.

_Then why it feels so wrong?_   
_My heart aches._

<<Are you okay, Mills?>>  
Enis is beside me in a second, hugging me softly and trying to understand what's happening to me.  
Maud looks like she's gonna cry.

<<This is one of the reason I can't stand her->>  
Maud looks angrily at me, but i know that her anger is not directed at me or Enid.

_Because she knows._

She storms out of my room and Enid leaves my side to follow her, whispering a "sorry" before closing the door.

I'm alone again.

_And I can't stop thinking about her._

Some things happen too fast, I don't understand what's happening to me and why.

Being fourteen is hard.

* * *

Miss Hardbroom is reading our essasys about the history of traditional potions, my eyes inevitably fall on her.  
Her blonde straight hair are gently covering her shoulders; she started cutting them at the end of every month.

The new syle suits her well.  
But it's not surprising, she's Ethel and she has to be perfect.

She suddenlty looks in my direction, I look away and I can feel her eyes on my back.  
I can feel my face getting red and warm, my heart starts to beat like I'm a caffeine addict after her second cup.

I feel so _wrong_ again and i want to pick my head until I'm bald.  
 _I would do anything to stop this._

The bell rings and the class storms out, ignoring the shouting of Miss Hardbroom until we're the only two left behind.

She raises her hands in the air, defeated and tired.  
With a spell everything returns in its right place and the classroom is cleaned.

_I can't move._

I rest my head on the long desk.  
I can hear the delicate sound of the bell-necklace Miss Pentangle have to Hardbroom.  
I know she's playing with it like she does after every lesson, like she's hypnotised.  
They're close, I can sometimes hear them talking through the mirror.  
And I'm always surprised to hear Miss Hardbroom laugh with her heart.

_Just for her._

I slowly raise my head and look at her, already feeling my eyes getting wet and ready to cry.  
Her smile turns upside-down, with a flicker of her hands she materialises beside me but not too close.

<<Can we talk, Miss Hardbroom?>>


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethel's Pov.

_**Ethel POV** _

Being perfect is not easy  
But I have to be to deserve a less cold and angry look from my mother.  
Sometimes i can feel her arms embracing me in a hug, not a maternal and warm one, but cold and formal.

I feel unwanted.

Esme is the prodigal first daughter, loved with or without her magic.  
Sybil is kind, sweet and well-mannered by nature.  
They have everything.  
But me?  
I'm like a brick house, i had to build myself.  
I feel like an imitation of my mother and elder sister.

Well, I like studying until my eyes and hands get sore because of too much reading and writing.  
I immensely enjoy learning new things but that's not what i really want right now.  
I would like to lay on my bed listening to some loud punk music.  
Having fun with my friends.

I don't have friends anymore.

Other than my little sister there's nothing for me in this academy, I do not belong here.  
I'm going home in two days.  
My mother knows.  
There's a new academy somewhere in America opening soon.  
Both boys and girls are allowed to be together, not in bathrooms and dormitories obviously, maybe that is what i need.  
To distract myself and become a new person.  
I need to leave the angry, unloved Ethel Hallow behind.

_And I'd like to forget her._   
_Mildred Hubble._

Every time i think about her i can feel my entire body relaxing, like she's some kind of antidote to my deep red hatred.

I am not hiding the truth from myself.  
I like her in a romantic and embarassing way.  
From the roots of her red hair to the bottom of her ruined school shoes.

I am not attracted or interested in boys, in the past i tried to please my mother and talk to some of them.  
Other than friendship I felt nothing.  
I have to fake that attraction because of her, otherwise i woulnd't be part of my family anymore.

Old stupid and meaningless rules.  
Old rules aren't always stupid, but after some catastrophical and amazing events i can now say for sure that sometimes change is needed for a better life.  
I can not have a better life for now, because i have to hide myself and my feelings.  
It is not easy though and it will not be until I am at Cackle's.

I do not blame Mildred, she is too cute and clueless to know why I am really angry.  
She thinksit's because of her mistakes and failed spells, far from the real truth.

I am angry because I can not share my feelings without being wrong for some people, built to sin and act on my innatural tendencies.

My love is not wrong.  
I know that.  
I am sure of that.

But i cannot bring Mildred into this mess.

* * *

I finished all my assignments for tomorrow.  
It's eleven o'clock, Hardbroom and Miss Drill already ended their dormitories routes and I heard their room doors closing.  
I sneak quietly until i reach the sheltered pile of chairs under the stairs.  
I light a candle with a spell and rest my back sitting on the makeshift sofa.

It's been a long day, trying to avoid Mildred when she seems to be everywhere isn't simple like I thought.  
She is either hiding around a corner or running away from my insistent glances.  
I am not hding it now, my desire to watch her before going away.  
I will never see her or all those people ever again.

I am so lost in my thoughts that I do not hear Maud Spellbody coming from the stairs.  
She is wearing her pyjamas and her cat is perfectly balanced on her shoulders, asleep.

<<I do not want to disrupt whatever evil doing you're planning here, Ethel.  
I am here just to tell you to stay away from Mills until you're gone!>>

I was expecting to be dragged along her trio because of some weird Enid-joke gone wrong.  
Not this.

<<And why should I do that?>>

I should not reply but I'm too curious to know why.  
I did notice Mildred's behaviour in the past weeks, she hides from me and doesn't talk back anymore.  
Something's happening for sure.

<<I do not know the details, but she gets sick every time you are around.  
Maybe you put a curse on her or something, but it doesn't matter.  
You are not going to stay long anyway.>>

She lits her candle again and goes back to her room.  
I stay silent until I hear her steps fading.

I sigh and look at my empty hands.  
This is how I feel.  
  


_Empty._

Because I can't even dare to imagine to come out here.  
Or somewhere else.  
But then what is stopping me?  
Who?  
Even if it reaches my mother's ears, she does not love me anyway.

What is gonna change?

_Nothing._

_Then why I am so afraid?_

Now I have to fix this things with Mildred.  
I don't know what I did, other than repeating the same spoiled girl script I follow.  
She never cared about my words or presence before, why start now?  
Maybe I don't really have to, but I need to talk to her at least one last time.

_Tomorrow._


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mildred POV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter, I didn't want to drag it for too long.  
> Thank you for reading it all and leaving kudos if you did!

_**Mildred POV** _

We had our last lesson an hour ago.  
Me, Maud and Enid are currently studying for a surprise test, we don't know what it will be about so Maud is forcing us to make a fast revision of what we have been studying lately.

It's a nice autumn afternoon, the last sunbeams light up my room and a cool breeze makes us shiver under our blankets, we're too lazy to close the windows but Enid gets tired and simply closes them with a spell.

_I still can' think straight, I can't concentrate very much._

My head is filled with thoughts about Ethel and her upcoming departure.  
Maybe I'm too dramatic, but I don't want to lose her now.

_Not when I've just found her._

Many people would think that I'm crazy; falling for your school bully?  
What am I, a teen in a cheap drama?

_Well, I am._

I know that underneath all that pride and apparent superiority complex there's a kind and warm girl.  
I just have to find the right moment to see the real Ethel.  
But Fate is a mischievous child, and without a warning or knoking on the door, Ethel enters my room.

_She looks agitated, what happened?_

I have no idea, my brain stops thinking because it is too embarassed.  
Her hair are slightly messed up, a hint of red decorates her cheeks.  
Always beautiful even after probably running up a long flight of stairs.

With quick movements she adjusts the hem of her uniform and then coughs, turning her attention to Maud and Enid, still sitting on my bed more confused than ever.

<<I'd like to have a few words with Mildred, if you don't mind.  
Please get out, and don't even think for a second to eavesdrop, I've already casted a spell for that.>>

Here is the usual confident Ethel.

In the past few days it seemed to me that she were quite with her heads in the clouds, could she be planning one last bad joke before leaving?  
Enid drags Maud dramatically by the arm.  
Maud tries to protest, but Enid is clever as a fox and probably has already understood, unlike me, Ethel's intentions and silences Maud, closing the door once they leave.

If Enid hasn't sensed any imminent danger or joke it means that I'm safe, I trust her.

With a wave of my hand I invite Ethel to sit on my bed.

I grab my chair and place it in front of her, sitting composedly and ready for whatever she has to tell me.  
She looks down at her shiny black shoes, takes a deep breath and starts talking.

<<Mildred, as you already know this is my last day at Cackle's.  
I'm here to apologise...>>

_**"You need to go and find youself.  
You say you'd rather be alone,  
'cause you think you won't find it tied to someone else".** _

She looks at me, her face shows real guilt.  
I try to stay calm, I take a deep breath too.

<<Go on...>>, I say.

<<...to really apologise, not like in the past.  
I am sorry that I always treated you as if you were inferior or not worthy of this academy of magical abilities.  
I'm sorry I runied your mother's opportunity to work here.  
I'm sorry for making you the clown of the class for so long.  
I'm sorry for everything, I swear.>>

Her expression begins to change, a sad smile takes place on her face and salty tears start to wet her cheeks.  
I don't know what to do but listen to her while sitting still, speechless and with a broken heart.

_I've never seen her cry._

<<You may not accept my apology, after all I know I don't deserve your forgiveness.  
But I'm here because I wanted to show you for the last time how much I regret my behaviour and all the times I've hurt you.>>

She gets up quickly and then kneels in front of me, her eyes meets mine and for a moment, at the sight of her shiny eyes and red nose, my heart stops beating.

<<I decided to change, away from everything and everyone.  
To start a new life, a life where I am good and worthy of love, where I'm like you.>>

_**"Who said it's true  
** _ _**that the growing only happens on your own?"** _

Her warm and delicate hands embrace mine, I help her up.

**_"They don't know me and you"._ **

My heart is beating so fast and it seems to have filled up.  
I am so happy and yet this is such a sad moment.

_Ethel will go away and I will never be able to see her again._

I stop her upcoming speaking, because now it's my turn.

**_"You won't be the only one.  
_ ** _**I am unfinished, I've got so much left to learn.  
I don't know how this river runs,  
but I'd like the company through every twist and turn".** _

<<Ethel it is obvious that I forgive you, I have always forgiven you even without apologies.  
I don't know what made you think about these things, but you don't need to go away to change.  
Changes can happen anywhere, and honestly...I'd love to see you change here at Cackle's.>>

Her eyes seems to get bigger, she looks at me intently as if I am something important and deserving of her attention.

<<I don't know what the future holds, I'm only fourteen and can't give life lessons to others.  
But i know for a fact that I want you by my side as long as possible, as an enemy, friend or whatever you want.  
I want you here.>>

Ethel breaks, or at least her impenetrable shell does.

She's hugging me.

I can feel her tight grip , her copious tears slowly starting to wet my shirt.  
Mybe it's not the right moment but I have to say it.  
I can not hide it much longer.

<<What I am about to tell you will probably ruin everything.  
But it's so painful to hide the truth and maybe it's the last chance I have to get rid of this burden...>>

Her arms are still embracing me, her breath seems to have calmed down like the sea after a storm.

<<Tell me...>> she whispers.

<<I like you Ethel.  
Much more than a friend.  
I like you despite everything and I can't stop.  
And if all of this disgusts you, you are allowed to go out and never talk to me again, but I will not accept insults.>>

I've never been so sure of myself.

My whole body seems to be lighter and I breathe more easily.

I remember Miss Hardbroom's words.

I don't have to hide who I am or what I feel, I am not wrong or an error just because I like girls.  
This is who I am and I am proud, and I will never hurt myself again because of ignorant people.

Ethel stops hugging me, but slowly.

Her movements are gentle and her hands is suddenly on my cheek, her thumb is caressing my face.

A calm and paceful expression is beautifully painted on her face as it gets closer to mine and her lips stops on my forehead to leave a light kiss.

<<I like you too, Mildred.>>

She says, leaving my side while walking towards the door like nothing happened.

But she's happy.

And I am too, starting to cry as she opens the door.

Maud and Enid are moionless, their mouth open, confused and surprised.

Dind't she cast a spell?

<<You better study for the test, you know I like to get higher grades than yours, give me a little competition.>>

Ethel says energetically, and before leaving she turns and looks at me to say one last thing.

<<You know..I don't really want to change academy anymore.  
See you tomorrow, Mildred.>>

_**"Tell me you don't wanna leave,  
** _ _**'cause if change is what you need  
** _ **_you can change right next to me.  
_ ** _**When you're high, I'll take the lows.  
** _ __**You can ebb and I can flow,**  
**_we'll take it slow,  
_ ** **_and grow as we go."_ **


End file.
